Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Flight Ettiquette - And Some Seriously Twisted Revenge

There have been many incidents reported in the media recently surrounding 'mile-high rage'.

As a regular traveller, I have been in the situation on more than one occassion, where the 'behaviour' of another passenger on board my flight has either offended me or caused me some angst. However, I do not think that I could bring myself to retaliate or 'get even' with the offender - usually a polite word should suffice.

In one incident just this week, a United Airlines flight was forced to return to Washington-Dulles International Airport after a mid-air brawl broke out between passengers due to disagreement over one of the passengers reclining their seat and restricting the gentleman sitting behind him.

This brought about a flurry of online coverage which has amused me no end. With all thanks and kudos to news.com.au, I have pulled what I have found to be two of the best pieces on this subject.

Firstly, readers of the popular website have voiced their (sometimes twisted) accounts of how the take revenge on rude, inconsiderate or selfish passengers - there are some common themes, and the top 10 have been rated below - on the flip side and following below the crazed revenge suggestions here, Eric Auld brings us a funny pictorial of appropriate 'Flight Ettiquette'.


Source: News.com.au

1. Hit them with bad smells

"I let off an evil smelling fart in their face as I exit the row and say, 'Excuse me please, I need to get to the toilet fast'." Valerie Woodruffe, from Mullaloo.

"I prefer to just drop my guts over and over again to make it unbearable for them to sit near me. I like to aim for the seat crack of the annoying passenger for best fumage. Sweet revenge. I recommend a diet of peanut butter and bananas before the flight." Anonymous, from Brisbane.

2. Use a nifty gadget (be warned this may be deemed illegal)

"I have purpose-built clips that clip onto the seat in front and prevent it from reclining. I used them once and it caused a lady to slam back on her seat hard. She then asked the flight attendant why her seat wouldn’t recline. Ha ha! She didn’t find the clips. I just don't want to ask every person in front of me not to recline because I'm tall." Cruzza.

3. Fear factor

"My personal favourite is to watch Air Crash Investigation for the whole flight. I always take along a toy plane and play 'let's make the plane crash' games with it as well." Aaron, from Melbourne.

4. Wet and wild

"I decided to get revenge and took a drink with me to the toilet. On the way back I accidentally tripped and spilled the water from the cup all over (the annoying passenger's) head. I had aches in my guts from laughing." EB, from NSW.

"Place a full bottle of water in the horizontal position with the lid off on the seat of a passenger when they get up for the loo. They usually don't realise their trousers are wet until they have sat down again. Cover with a newspaper for more subterfuge." Steve.

5. Bump or pull the seat in front

"I simply get up and go to the toilet four or five times per hour and I use the back of the reclined seat as a hand-hold and for leverage to stand up. After the third 'wake-up' call/bounce, the seat in front is usually put in the upright position." Lynne McKay, from NSW.

"I said loudly to my friend, ‘I have the worst diarrhoea - would you mind if we swapped seats as I am feeling like I might vomit too?' This gave me the opportunity to bump the seat in front. As childish as it is, I must have bumped that seat 30 or 40 times in just a few hours. When I returned, after running up the aisle holding my bottom and groaning, I noticed the seat had been moved forward and there was silence." FrequentFlyer, from Brisbane.

6. Head tickle

"Reading a broadsheet newspaper that spills over the top of a reclined seat can be used to annoy the seat in front. The newspaper tends to lightly brush against their head, so subtle you can be excused for not even knowing it is happening." Ex-business commuter.

7. Surprise wake-up call

"I had someone on my lap and snoring loudly in my face. I had a small bottle of face spritz to freshen up with, so I coughed and sprayed the mist in their face. You would not see a seat go up any faster." Gonzo, from Melbourne.

8. Threaten a lap dance

"I had a lady who had her seat so far back that it was literally on my knees. My manager, who was sitting next to me, suggested that I start kicking the back of the chair. I just said very loudly and clearly that if (the passenger in front) was going to give me a lap dance, she could get rid of the chair. Sure enough the chair went up." Kj Storm.

9. Be prepared

"I ram my elbow into the back of (any offending) seat. Of course, I apologise and mumble something about being s bit shocked at the seat falling back on me. Also, the rude person in front of me will hopefully get whiplash." Spud, from Cairns.

"Being tall, I have to either pay the extra or hope I can get an exit row seat. But if I can't and the person I front of me tries to recline the chair all the way back trapping me in my seat, I ram my knees into the back of the chair. After a couple of minutes of saying, ‘Sorry, just getting comfy’, they get the hint and sit up." Andrew, from Sydney.

10. Wake up their children

"The two kids in the seats in front of me were rowdy and preventing me sleeping. Their parents did nothing. My father and I accidentally kept bumping the seats in front of us when the kids were trying to sleep, meaning no sleep for them. I felt so good when the parents had to deal with sleep-deprived children." Chuck.


Courtesy of Eric Auld

Go slowly when tilting your seat back, and it's nice to tell people behind first, especially when food and drink is served:

Farts belong in the toilet:

You don't get to take your shoes and your socks off:

Try not to resemble the Cookie Monster when eating your in-flight meal:

Don't have your iPod too loud, and don't sing, hum or tap along to the song you're listening to:

No inappropriate stretching near fellow flyers:

Make sure you won't flop onto the person sitting next to you when you are asleep:

No cross cabin conversations with the people in the other aisle:

Don't talk when passengers are trying to sleep/listen to music with earphones:

Don't knee or kick the seat in front. Same goes for your kids:

If you need to go to the toilet a lot, ask to switch seats:

Armrest stays down except under mutual agreement:

If your seatmate has nodded off and you have to get out, you are allowed to crawl over them if you know you can do it without waking them up:


Anonymous said...

Has Valerie Woodruffe mentioned in the above article got no shame, she actually confesses to deliberately farting in other passengers faces as she gets up from her seat and exits the seat row. I know WA is known as the wild west but surely by now they have learned some manners over there.

Betti Loop said...

Some people just have too much time on their hands.

Anonymous said...

I did'nt say it, I did'nt do it, it is nothing more than an urban myth and frankly, I am sick of hearing, reading about it. Please get rid of this garbage It is old and I am over it.